My Aspergers Diagnosis Journey

So today, I’m going to share with you my diagnosis journey I found out I was on the spectrum about three years ago now and at the time Asperger’s put a name to something that I felt like I’d been struggling with my entire life From as early as I can remember I’ve had this feeling that I was different and that different was bad so you can imagine that finally putting a name to that and embracing that difference was incredibly liberating so this story today is probably going to be a little bit raw because I feel as though it would be more authentic of me to just keep talking and you can see a little bit more of my personality rather than heavily filtering it via editing and scripting and things like that so hopefully that’s okay with you and also to help me keep my train of thought I’ll probably walk around a little bit because that really, helps a lot in terms of remembering what I’m going to say and having that train of thought keep going so my diagnosis This is probably one of the most commonly asked questions, I do a lot of speaking gigs so chatting to haha chatting, presenting to students and teachers and companies and things about how to leverage the strengths of autism and what autism is and sharing my story and all of that kind of stuff and they very often ask me. You know so you found out you’re on the spectrum only just recently like what happened What’s the story there and? Usually there’s not really much time for me to give a very detailed answer so the short answer that I give is I read a book called Look Me in the Eye My Life with Asperger’s, which is an autobiography of John Elder Robison And I got about halfway through that book and it was resonating so deeply with me that I put the book down Googled Asperger’s, found a support group meeting and everything snowballed from there So that’s the short answer right satisfied? There’s quite a few questions that kind of get left unanswered with such a concise answer so that’s what I want to share with you today in terms of my story Because the questions that come to mind are things like, you know, I discovered I have Asperger’s at the age of 30 How was it not obvious before then what did I think autism was? Before I discovered that I was autistic How did I go at school how did I go with friends all of that kind of stuff so There is even quite a few things that I wasn’t sure if I was happy sharing publicly But I’ve decided to include them anyway. Again, because I really believe in the power of honesty as a force that can connect us so Yeah, so there’ll be a couple of surprises that I’m a little bit nervous about but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there so I remember when I was really young, maybe seven or eight the first time I came across what autism was and I must have heard the word or sent it on TV or something and I remember asking my dad. What is autism? and to this day I still remember the gist of the response and basically the response was A typical kid will play with toy trucks and cars and they will sort of roll them around and pretend that they’re real, right? And the difference between that and an autistic kid is the autistic child will turn the car upside down and spin the wheels So as like a seven or eight year old that sounded like a pretty good answer And I felt like I knew what autism was now In hindsight I used to play with Matchbox cars and I didn’t turn them upside down, and I didn’t spin the wheels But I didn’t imagine that they were real cars I was more interested in the physics of the situation I was more interested in this object as an object rather than as what the object is supposed to represent So for example I would get two cars and I would basically Collide them into each other so they bounce off each other and see which one Flipped over in which one didn’t flip over and that was really really interesting to me so I would have these epic battles where I’d get every single car and compete them against every other car and see which one was left at the end of this at the end of this dual and I remember my very favorite one was like a Formula One racing car and It always won, because it was so low and all the other cars kind of went up over the top of it and slipped over so it was by far my favorite and Then once I had a favorite I used to champion it and it would go up against these massive trucks like hundreds and thousands of times its size And it would always win of course because it was you know in my imagination this was this was my game And the special secret was if you push down on the spoiler at the back of the car It kind of flips up the front of the car So if you do that at the right time it kind of flips over the… anyway So That’s clearly imaginative play, right? I was clearly being very imaginative, but what I wasn’t doing was pretending that this little car was a little car so I was almost being too imaginative because for me the idea of pretending This thing was an actual Formula One racing car and pretending it goes round a track in circles really fast. That was kind of boring whereas Having an epic battle where it battles a monster truck a thousand times its size was much more interesting so anyway. That’s beside the point. I guess what I’m trying to say is I had an idea of what autism was and That idea didn’t really fit me at all so that’s why I had no idea that I was on the spectrum Meanwhile I was in the ‘special and gifted’ class at school And I knew more about dinosaurs and planets than any other adult that I knew after years of constant teasing I finally found a couple of friends at Primary School Which was alright at the time, and then when I went to high school all of a sudden… How you socialize is instead of actually playing games you just sit around and talk so I spent the next like five or ten years trying to learn how to have a conversation going from speaking too much to not speaking enough to basically having absolutely no clue what to do and That meant that I was always on the outer of any kind of group, and it was really hard to get a second chance To make a better impression when someone got to know me a bit better so the next important part of the story is at the age of 16 I radically changed my hairstyle, and I got dreadlocks So I’ve made a couple of videos on this if you want to check out some of my other videos But the the crux of the story is that the dreadlocks radically changed how other people perceived me. So even though I wasn’t any different all of a sudden they no longer saw me as boring and shy in awkward right? I had this aura of confidence and stuff that I had no idea where it came from but all of a sudden that’s how they saw me so my social life exploded, virtually overnight, and the short answer to the story is that I never had trouble making friends ever since then There was a quality particular quality about the dreadlocks themselves and with the image that they gave me that basically covered up all of those natural weaknesses that I’d been struggling with in the previous years so with those weaknesses covered up by the dreadlocks compensated for by this magical amazing coping strategy of my hair no one suspected that I might have Asperger’s, not even me, right? So I finished high school. I went through university. I got a job I got married I bought a house and everything was seemingly going really really well so by this stage my impression of what Asperger’s was started to be Influenced I guess by characters like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory and I remember sitting at my desk in my engineering office reading some kind of statistic like the headline reads Engineers are 10% more likely to have autistic children, and I remember laughing out loud thinking Are you serious? Engineers are 10% more likely to be autistic! Looking around the office, high intelligence, narrow interests, poor social skills Engineers tend to tick a lot of those autistic traits boxes, right? to give you some idea of the level of obsession I was working for Boeing as a aircraft structural engineer and so a lot of the other guys would describe themselves as Aero-sexuals Because they loved planes so much, right? That’s the kind of level of obsession that we’re talking about here, so Anyway at this stage. I started thinking Maybe that is me? I mean I do tick a lot of those boxes so I went online and I looked up autism and I looked up Asperger’s and I basically got a list of things that I shouldn’t be good at so troubles with communication troubles making friends Repetitive behavior, all of those kind of things and I thought Can I really say that I have a deficit in my communication? Can I really say that I’ve had trouble making friends? I mean sure, as a teenager, but doesn’t everyone have trouble making friends as a teenager? That’s a very turbulent time What else? yeah, can I really say that repetitive behavior is a problem? so It was a stretch. It was a real stretch, and I came to the conclusion that in a similar way, so my my wife at the time was studying psychology And it was a well known phenomenon that every class she went to she’d come back and say Oh, I’ve got this new condition I’ve just diagnosed myself with, I just learnt about this, and it’s exactly me So I thought am I just doing that? Am I just projecting some of this stuff on myself just because I take a couple of the boxes? so I diagnosed myself as an ‘engineer’ and I rationed, reas…, rash… whatever… I argued to myself that Engineers have all of these traits That are kind of in common with autism so I’m not autistic I’m just an engineer and there’s no way you could really, it would be a bit of a stretch to call that a disability in my case Another factor that led me to put the idea of myself being on the spectrum to bed completely at the time was I had an in-law who was so stereotypically Aspie. It was not funny You could just put a camera on him and make it into a TV show he was high achieving he was an academic He’d done a PhD. He spent most of his time alone with his computer He wasn’t good at body language or reading social cues. He would just talk to you at length and had no idea that you have no interest in whatever he’s talking about He had some friends, but I’m talking like three or four right so He fit the social categories as well And it was so obvious to us at the time that he was on the spectrum that it wasn’t even a question It wasn’t, “oh, maybe he’s on the spectrum, maybe we should look into this?” It was open and shut case so we didn’t even talk about it so with all those things put together they formed my perception of what autism was in real life, and I came to the very firm conclusion at the time. There’s no way that I’m on the spectrum because I’m not like this guy over here, and I don’t really fit those diagnostic criteria with all those deficits and I’m not like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. At least not, you know we show a few things in common, but you know, nowhere near as extreme as that so That closed the book for me at the time for another couple of years so hopefully that answered some of the questions around how I spend 30 years not knowing that I was on the spectrum so Stay tuned for part two of this diagnosis journey where I will be sharing what the turning point was where it suddenly all clicked and all of those reservations thinking that these things don’t apply to me. I finally understood what they really were in real life, and how I actually do tick all of those boxes so I hope you’ve enjoyed this story so far and stay tuned for the next segment next week, okay. Bye If you like this video, please give it a thumbs up and hit subscribe for weekly content just like this one If you’d like to get even more involved you can join the discussion on social media or support me by becoming a patron Finally, I value your time and you’ll notice all my videos are ad free So please help me to cover what you want to hear by leaving me a comment and telling me what you think So thanks for watching, and I’ll see you another time

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  • Zombis says:

    Interesting. I discovered that I have Aspergers myself, only after my own son was diagnosed with autism. Looking forward to the second part. 🙂

  • Dominic Oliver Thomas Wood says:

    i was 5 knew at 9 but still didnt get it

  • Glossy Bubble says:

    Before my diagnosis I had my own explanations:
    – I'm an alien
    – Everybody else is an alien
    – I'm repulsive
    – I'm an introvert and socially awkward
    At least the latter 2 turned out to be true:)) I was wrong about the alien part… which leaves me with another unanswered question: Do aliens even exist??

  • Madd Scientist says:

    you mentioned "wife"?………how long & are there any children? ….interested in 'dealing with long term relationships'
    Could you do a few videos on that??

  • Līga Vasara-Brakmane says:

    I understood I am on the spectrum only after my kids got diagnosed. Your car battles immediately reminded me of my son's car crash game. I used to throw dolls at the wall and only my favourite was left in one piece. I do not remember why I did that. My perception of autism was the kid from "Mercury Rising". Did not apply to me or my kids.

  • Jody says:

    I had a feeling I was autistic when I was 7 years old. I don’t know how I knew, but generally I saw autistic children and related to them to some level. I remember one of my teachers expressed concerns to them how I seemed a bit “too socially isolated” that year. I can pin point so many symptoms before that age though, and I was exactly like that with my toys as well. I hand flapped a lot during that time and just general other stims but I noticed nobody else did. I thought it was something people did in private, but that year my dad brought me a computer and I became really interested in that and liked that. I remember being only 8 or 9 years old and I googled hand flapping and things about autism came up. One day when I was 11 years old I watched a documentary about Albert Einstein and the theories surrounding him and Aspergers Syndrome, I decided to google it and I was surprised how much it fit me. I told my entire family I had AS but it was treated as a joke. I was 12 and went to a paediatrician and mentioned my hand flapping and he said it was SPD. I didn’t believe it at that but I became suicidal and attempted to take my life when I was 13. I had to go to the hospital and I spoke to a psychiatrist who tried to send me to a hospital to be diagnosed with ASD because he was so concerned and believed I really did, but there was no room so he just referred me to a psychologist. I didn’t like the idea at that point and denied ever seeing this psychologist. I remember I was in the children’s ward and they had a sensory room for autistic children and I spent my entire time there because I just loved it so much. When I was 14 I had trouble attending classes because of it, I didn’t have the friends I eventually made in my classes and I was bullied a lot. Things at home weren’t that good either so it caused me to go into a permanent 6 month meltdown where I didn’t eat and I spent all of my time in bed wondering if I should just end my life. I tried a couple of times but failed again. I ended up seeing a seperate psychologist who noticed it herself and 6 months later I was formally diagnosed. I’m 16 years old now and only about 8 or 9 months ago I accepted it and decided I would try to help myself with my symptoms and things have been a lot better, but most of my symptoms do affect my life a lot on the daily basis, I’ve just learnt how to stop them from happening. I go to a school and that’s really tough, I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with that as well. I’m sure university will be a whole new journey just like this, but hopefully I will be able to deal with that better. 🙂

  • Jean Little says:

    Thanks for the great video! Maybe dreadlocks could work for me, too! 😀

  • Amerikinz14 says:

    Wow nice video, Paul! I can relate to this really well. So I'm a teenager and I think I am an Aspie. I have not gotten an official diagnosis yet but I really want to get it. I have trouble with non verbal gestures and I have some good friends, but most of them are acquaintances. So I'm also socially awkward and I'm also more of an introvert. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, but it's not official yet. Thanks for understanding us Aspies and nice story. Can't wait for part two! PS I'm gonna start reading your blog; it looks interesting:) ~A.Kinz

  • Aspergers from the Inside says:

    Would you like to share your diagnosis story too?
    I'm compiling stories for a special project at the end of the month.
    To be involved simply message me or reply to this comment and I'll give you more info! 🙂

  • Dafoodmaster says:

    Interesting that a hairstyle made a radical difference for you too. When i started growing my hair out (when first getting in to metal music) i also seemed to gain a strange new charismatic quality, as if the hair firmly grounded me in a subculture and i thus had a "personality". I still wear my hair long by the way, but i'm thinking about donating it

  • JessFuzz17 says:

    Great video, it is very helpful. What I am interested in you talking about is what tests you had to do to get an official diagnose and the costs? I am interested in this because I received an ASD diagnose from a psychiatrist, where they asked 20-30 questions but I would like to know what further testing I could get and less expensive ways of doing it. Also, could you make a female version of this video and the part 2 that you plan to do?

  • Discovery says:

    I used to play with Hot Wheels cars that way too. The most important cars in the Hot Wheels universe were the ones that never got flipped over. I had (and still have) zero interest in real cars but I love Hot Wheels.

  • Nancy says:

    This was great Paul, as usual. Eagerly awaiting part 2.

  • Maria Rak says:

    Really good video can't wait to see part 2 thank you for sharing your story.

  • Ann-marie Grabowski says:

    Thanks paul for your sharing ya story can’t wait for part two and the acknowledgement of your diagnosis 👍👍👍

  • Ryan Liberty / Mental Health says:

    Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to part 2 🙂

  • nirth says:

    0:30 Man I'm impressed by the lighting!!

  • Yamahoo says:

    What I would do is get 2 m&Ms and crush them together, Wich ever one didn't brake won.

  • JoyChaos says:

    part twoooooooooooooooooooooo

  • Jesse Rochon says:

    What is Aspergers anyway:

    Socially awkward? Tons of people not on the spectrum are extremely socially awkward.

    Narrowed or repetitive interests? Tons of people not on the spectrum have these.

    Poor social skills? Some of the most articulate and cogent people I've ever listened to have 'Aspergers'

    In fact I've met way more NT's that fit the bill than actual Aspies seem to. I'm so confused.

  • Howling Monkey says:

    😀 did the same with my cars. Also had a Formula1 car haha

  • A Grotta says:

    You walk around to remember stuff?! I can't memorize Anything without walking around! Even when I would practice my violin, I would turn off the lights and walk around! I even once had chairs audition tester allow me to turn off the lights for my audition!
    I no longer play violin.

  • A Grotta says:

    I posted on your other video telling you I have only ever been diagnosed with ADD, as well as my husband and son, and my sister thinks I might have aspergers and or Sensory Processing disorder.
    My family is full of engineers, including my brother, my dad, my great uncle, and my papa (who builds funny car engines, and I've been told he is famous), and a cousin. I've been pushing my son into engineering because that is what our family seems to be good at. We are ALL awkward, quiet, and clever (some of us at jokes and insults), and can be offensive, and some of us funny, and all of us very artistic (in one or more of: music, arts, and dance, and sports).

  • Toby says:

    I always wanted action figures the had bones and skin and blood and stuff like that were maybe programmable so I could create simulations…very interesting how you pointed out the physics of the cars.

  • Keith Mayhew Hammond says:

    Thanks so much for sharing with us your story. I was not diagnosed until mid high school. I did not accept it and stayed in denial for years because I did not want a label telling people that I was even more different. However, a few years ago a good friend gave me some advice to research the topic, and in doing so I found that it described me to a T. Now that I have learned to accept myself and be proud of it, areas of my life have much improved: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8cYqQU-cvs&t=169s

  • wealthyintime1 says:

    I went to get a diagnosis after being laid off from a job. My mother said out of the blue, about 10 years ago, doctors said "you might be autistic". Apparently, after getting my official diagnosis, my mother said they wanted to institutionalize me and she said "he doesn't need round the clock care". This was in the 70s when Asperger's Syndrome was not recognized.

    I went to a local government job center, told the woman at the counter that I was laid off and said I might have a difficult time getting a job. I told her I might be Autistic. She gave me a number of a higher up in her line of work, and within a week I was sent to see another government person. Less than a week, I met with this person who sent me for testing at their expense. Met with the psychologist and talked about my life and telling her my mother said about 10 years ago I might be autistic. My testing was arranged for the following week. Did the tests and in 3 weeks I was called back to get the results. The psychologist went over her results which was a 9 page document

    Being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, made me concentrate on things I can do and not things I can't control.

  • Gregg Baker says:

    I refer You to Max Derrat's meltdown YouTube video.would like to see You cover this.has most recently ruined,my relationship of 9 months,with my girlfriend(just couldn't handle my outbursts.)I am 60.divorced.alone.friends have all gone.I have been through more jobs,than any one should ever have too.been in the dreggs all my life.

  • HardlineAthiest says:

    I completely identify.

  • starshollowhearted says:

    What kind of ball is this?

  • Der Rabbit says:

    My Aunt gave me a book called all cats have Asperger’s syndrome, and I thought all the boxes had to line up. Found out from my doctor that only just enough of the boxes had to line up for a diagnosis

  • Daniela Grz says:

    I see you, you are a very beautiful person!

  • 🚨 Thot Patrol 🚨 says:

    Having friends is so much easier when you’re a kid compared to adult. I never understood how neurotypicals find sitting around and gossiping so interesting 😒

  • 🚨 Thot Patrol 🚨 says:

    What is the difference between high functioning and low functioning?

  • muscovy5000 says:

    Don't you think the cars story is also indicative of your future in engineering? That's what confuses me about asperger's – we can't give all the credit to it. Aka, what part is "our personality" versus an aspect of autism…

  • Ron Garrett Bergeron says:

    I do that same kind of pacing around and fidgeting when I talk in front of people or a video camera… I recently started my new channel to talk about being FTM, but I feel compelled to add stuff about aspergers. I don't know what to do… would it help more people? Maybe I should contact you and talk a little about my thoughts on being helpful publicly with my issues?? Would you mind?

  • Pam Tufnell says:

    Doctors said I havent got it and didn't even test me

  • Cullen Tashiro says:

    Snore. I’m out of here.

  • Jessica Kennedy says:

    I have been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. When I got tested for autism they said yes I have most of the traits for autism but they left it up to my mom to actual put a diagnosis to it. They said it wouldnt help me go have a diagnosis because it will just create more stigma and make it more difficult for me later on. It didnt really matter because people suck regardless of if you have a diagnosis. Somehow they just know your different.

  • Lunaria G says:

    Being diagnosed at 37 was exactly that, an huge relief and liberation. I had carried the weight of feeling alien and always a bit 'wrong', which often would turn into guilt and depression since I could never get why I kept failing at fitting in. I often thought I must have been stupid, lazy or bad, even though I was always trying so hard because the absence of logical explanation was hard to live with. Also there is a common message that 'abnormal' or 'weird' means 'bad' so it's easy to reach that conclusion about your own self. The diagnosis explained my entire life and was like a proof that I wasn't defective, just different. The joy also comes with some grief since I feel I lost many years- and most of my youth- struggling without any clue. It would have saved so much useless loss of energy and mistakes if I'd known earlier. BTW, I just have to say your profile pic is awesome! 😀

  • Stoke City says:

    I too did overly-imaginative games like that. I too was in the gifted class. I didn’t have dreadlocks😤

  • Alfiehan says:

    :O I used to do that colliding thing with toy cars

  • XIV Words says:

    I feel like a weight has been lifted off me

  • coldminded21 says:

    I think I might be on Autistic spectrum and I stuttered all my life and my life was never easy, never had many friends. I'm working as an construction engineer at the moment and I quite like it but the problem is that I cant get along with most people and it's been all my life like that since I was a child. I am awkward and weird, not a typical guy. I'm goofy and very honest and empathetic. With most ppl i'm the same me – humble, honest, open-minded person also awkward. I dont have any filters or masks on me, because of that i'm vulnerable to most ppl. I think I'm pacifist because I just cant say bad things about people, cant hurt anybody or insult anybody on purpose. I like deep conversations and philosophy and I love music. I cant communicate in a bigger than 3-people group, cos then I cant think deeply enough cos conversation becomes much faster compared to conversations in smaller groups. I couldn't defend myself most of my life cos I just freeze up and dont react when I'm insulted or humiliated or treated badly or I ignore it unwillingly and then after some time I realize that I was treated badly, I just cant react on the spot. And now add to all that stuttering. I will be inspecting on my situation more but your opinion is very welcome.

  • Ram Ram says:

    You really really remind me of me.

  • INeedtoLikeVideos says:

    Do you have problems with eye contact?

  • MAĤIAC says:

    10:46 Jeff foxworthy has a joke about that he and his wife watch some medical show and every time hi wife goes "Ive got all the symptoms jeff" then he says " You do not have testicular cancer! You don't even have testiculars."

  • Bnelen says:

    I've come across aspergers on multiple occasions. First time considering myself being affected, as a teenager. I saw a person with difficult aspergers on TV. He was struggling but had a sort of assisted job. I witnessed with literal horror some of the minor – yet very accurate similarities of his and my behavior.
    I always thought however, that aspergers was quite unspecific. I've kept with me these extremely powerful tendencies way up to my adulthood. Your videos resonate with me a lot. The reloading and unloading phases of energy have come all too familiar to me. Although there are many differences between each aspie. Thank you, I hope you don't shine away from the subject.

  • Em Lastname says:

    I think I'm in a similar, but more "female" position- I thought for the longest time that autism would fit me, only I had too much empathy and I could be charismatic in the kinda-short term.
    Turns out, the "autistics don't feel empathy" thing is BS, and girls are typically good at coming across as charismatic or at least "normal" due to our masking and mirroring skills.

  • tbxvividos says:

    I WOULD LINE UP MY MATCHBOX CARS AT THE TOP OF THE DRIVEWAY AND SEE WHICH WOULD GO THE FURTHEST (most cars would veer to a side instead of going straight, crashes were common) Trying to figure out if i should go in for testing or not, came across this video and had to pause it when you were talking about toy cars because it hit really close to home. that entire part.

  • Valerie Robertson says:

    💚 3:02

  • Sophia Neilsson says:

    For me, I grew up knowing /extremely/ autistic people (as in, almost non-verbal autistic savant) so what autism is was very much coded in my own head and my parents' as this specific thing that there was no way Sophia was! My "oddness" was attributed to me being gifted, or my mother simply making excuses and downplaying my own aspects. In truth, I think that she is on the spectrum too, but it is extremely hidden as she is incredibly social and is known for knowing people. (Knowing her as well as I do, I think she is very introverted, but was so determined and hyper-fixeated on being that kind of social person that she became immersed in that persona and convinced herself that this is the person she is; I think her natural reactions are very different). Looking back as an adult it is extremely obvious to me those ASD traits that were present when I was a kid and I'm still processing my upset that my ASD and ADHD weren't identified until now (I'm in my mid-twenties).

  • Einas K Badri says:

    Good job

  • M SS says:

    weirdo and ugly no doubt u r a loner with no friends or love

  • Rachel Kruse says:

    You tube works well with Autism because you can speak in factual sentences without actually interacting with an actual person just going through the motion,s and saying things in a monotone , factual voice is par for the course. A person in the spectrum could easily hide as a content creator. Someone like me.

  • Aidan Kirby says:

    It’s very annoying what u do with ur shoulders

  • 9Mæn says:

    Car toys are cool mæn

  • Art by Jeremy Maya Robinson says:

    Thanks for sharing to help others going through similar things.

  • Chris Brown says:

    I knew more about a comadore 64 . basic programming it's easy.

  • Maddie Siegmund says:

    Oh my gosh. I played battle tactics for hours on end with my beanie babies, and my squad leaders were decided based on the quality of the toy's flexibility (number of times it twirled in the air when I spun it). Flips were hand-to-hand combat and through that a winner was determined. I could only engage in imaginative role play if I was pretending to be an animal (behaving like a dog to well past an appropriate age…). Didn't know how to play with dolls. I even toe-walked and still do! Yet never been suggested as having ASD because I have good eye contact.

  • Matthew C. says:

    I met a girl in middle school who was "obviously autistic" and needed an aide. I thought I couldn't be autistic as well because I didn't act like her.

  • Jennifer Elmer says:

    very helpful. I am learning to better understand my grandson. thank you

  • Sanad Benali says:

    phenomenon phenomena how can this have singular if it did it would be a miracle a one time thing

  • Sanad Benali says:

    what was his field the in law what did he end up doing

  • FDroid01 says:


  • JagsCustoms206 says:

    Thank you so much for your videos, Paul! You are an amazing human being. I just wish I had found u sooner….

    I just got diagnosed at 35. My whole life makes sense now. I’ve been diagnosed with everything from MDD (Major Depressive Disorder), ADD, OCD, GA (Generalized Anxiety), Panic Attacks, PTSD, CPTSD (Complex PTSD)…& have been medicated for all of those during my 20’s. Turns out, I have NONE of these. I also became an alcoholic because I was being put through TOO MUCH. I couldn’t cope. I was drinking & cutting myself a lot…I was breaking…Finally after a suicide attempt, I went to yet another mental hospital. This time, a really brilliant psychiatrist who happened to be an Aspie was my doctor. In a matter of a couple hours, I had an Aspergers diagnosis. I knew NOTHING about this & was just blown away at how much time I had lost & all I had been put through being misdiagnosed. My body & brain are still recovering from being over-medicated for a good decade & the side effects of it. But I’m finally whole. Now, I educate everyone I can about Autism & High-Functioning Autism. I’m rebuilding my life & everything is exceptionally good! I’m truly happy & have the tools now to manage my own life =).

    Your video’s have given me a crash course on everything I already knew, but didn’t know how to explain or put into words. Thank u for helping me get my life back & not beat myself up anymore. I used to just think I was stupid or slow, maybe momma dropped me on the head when I was a baby or somethin’, lol. I just didn’t fit in. I couldn’t do the mundane things everyone else was doing. So I became a master chameleon & successfully blended in, but was miserable inside. I self medicated & self harmed…then it all came crashing down at once in a few week long SUPER MELTDOWN. I lost everything. Literally everything. I wish I had more information at the time. If I knew better, I’d do better. I just didn’t know.

    That’s why people like u are my hero =). You are opening up a dialogue that needs to be had. People need to know more about this subject to prevent others from suffering & not being able to fully participate in life. If people had a better understanding of high functioning autism & it was something we talked about more openly, Aspies could learn how their brain works at a younger age & prevent losing valuable time & self-esteem. If you or someone you know is struggling in life & might be an Aspie, please share Paul’s videos with them. It might just change their life. Worse case, maybe they’re not an Aspie, but are now educated on the subject & could help someone else in their life. When I opened up the dialogue about my self-diagnosis & then medical diagnosis, I found out my father & my childhood best friend are Aspie’s. & most interesting is a 71 yr. old lady I rent a room from & help out, she too was just diagnosed! She’s literally going through a grieving process right now trying to cope with lost time & the fact that she’s been misunderstood & lonely her whole life…just to find out now at 71, she’s NOT crazy & that there IS an explanation for her struggles. It’s heartbreaking to watch. But at the same time, miraculous to witness someone come out of their shell & light up with happiness because they have VALIDATION. It’s everything. That’s what I try to give people now. It’s my new purpose. I don’t want sympathy or even empathy, I just want people to have better education on the subject so others don’t have to go through what I did to get a diagnosis. No one deserves that.

    Please like & subscribe to Paul’s channel Aspergers from the Inside…but most importantly, share =)

  • Melissa D says:

    Oh wow. I TOTALLY played with my friends' toy cars and always either turned them upside down and spun the wheels or else built these super complicated roadways and dirt bridges in the sandbox for them…but never actually pushed them around.

  • awitcheskid says:

    Your story resonates with me so well it's eerie. I've always felt like I was different, but I just didn't know how to express it verbally. I've known what ASD is since I was a teen, but I never thought I had it because I don't have a lot of the stereotypical traits associated with it, but after hearing your story I'm really starting to re-evaluate whether or not I might be on the spectrum.

  • julie mccann says:

    I am currently on my own self-diagnosis journey and I am so angry/upset at all the so called professionals I have seen over the years and not one of them recognised or even hinted I have autism, I feel so let down by friends, society, my country etc. and I wonder will I ever get over it?

  • Eve Donis says:

    Don't want to be disrespectful but sounds like you are smarter than a average person, I mean this days childrens hardly ever play with their imagination … Greetings from Texas.

  • Meier says:

    How did you get the idea to read this special book?

  • William ooi says:

    Asperger is okay…. But asperger and adhd make me dumb and headaches slow processing

  • D Stuart says:

    I love how parents dismiss things away. I loved my folks and they were pretty great with my differences, but when I become dictator, all parents cannot have a baby until they go through a two year 1000 hour 'how to raise a child' course with tests and grades. If they make below a B average, they don't get to have a baby.

  • Katherine Joel Lozada says:

    I think I'm autistic.

  • Mike Osborne says:

    It was interesting to hear someone else's story regarding diagnosis – I was recently diagnosed at the age of 56 although my wife first suspected that I was on the spectrum over ten years ago. Looking back at my life it now seems obvious that I was different from the peple around me, my narrow interests, my intense focus on both people and things, my inability to get on in social situations, etc. but higher functioning autism wasn't something that was recognised 30+ years ago, so I just had to get with life as best I could. It's only recently that I've become tired of acting as though I was just like everyone else and having to hide my anxieties and tone down my reactions to change, that's why I decided to get a diagnosis and 'come out' as having autism. It's been a liberating experience because now my colleagues, relatives and friends understand why I am sometimes stressed or anxious and will support me rather than thinking that maybe I am overreacting.

  • nur ak says:

    You are absolutely amazing . Thank you so much for all your help to understanding Asperger ‘s .. which is I needed right now .. I keep watching all your videos best I can and I’m sure it will make life and my relationship easier now to understanding the person (Aspies bf) better now .

  • Pedro Jiménez says:

    im Aspergers too 🙁

  • adammarshall80 says:

    I'm 38.  I'm a successful engineer and project manager.  I'm just now learning that I'm on the spectrum.  I'm fascinated in trends, numbers, analyzing details, finding errors, etc.. and I also assumed that was just because all of us engineers are.  I've become very good at certain aspects of this work, however there have been some recent issues with flipping out when things don't go as planned, my schedule gets turned on its head, etc.  Noises bother me which is strange because I've been playing guitar in bands for years.  My wife told me years ago that I had Aspergers; she is an occupational therapist and works with kids.  I laughed it off and said "What is Asperger's?! An item on the Hooters menu?!"  When I am done with my work day my family suffers because I just want to go somewhere quiet and build something or find something neat and old to restore.  My special interests are designing and building things, troubleshooting things that are not working, writing and playing music.  This is me, I guess I'm an Aspie.  This is extremely liberating as everything that I'm learning is exactly what I have been dealing with for the last for years.  Great videos, I'll keep watching is I'm just now starting my own journey.

  • Scott Kirsch says:

    I'm just now figuring out I might be autistic in my early thirties as well.

  • Creamy Pasta says:

    tell us more about the post-it notes on the wall

  • Creamy Pasta says:


  • Carrie Allmon says:

    This had been SO helpful for me finding similarities of Loved ones undiagnosed on the spectrum. Thank you!

  • Linros says:

    Hi Paul, your description of your Aspie in law later in this video exactly fits my best friends husband except swap Academic for highly technical, My best friend and her husband who is a dry alcoholic have many relationship issues and they don't hold them in when we socialize.I have always just accepted he has a different way but find his anger hard to be around. After being accused of excluding her husband from the evenings conversation and highly offending him (because I turned the loud Rock music he had put on down a bit at our house), at an evening he didn't want to attend , and one they obviously had been falling out before coming to, I finally said you know I find it difficult to have a conversation with you because you have a tendency to keep talking without being aware if anyone is interested , and only talk about your own interests and don't seem to listen. Boy do I regret that!
    I tried to help my best friend by sending some information re Aspergers to her and just said she might find it interesting or possibly helpful as she tells me all about her marriage difficulties. I thought if maybe she could understand him better it would help them or at least her. Now they both are really pissed at me and sending me nasty e-mails saying I am causing a rift in their marriage which is really upsetting, when I was truly trying to help, and the rift has been there since I have known them both as a couple.

  • Melissa Buckley says:

    I love you!!! Love from Canada!!

  • MyLifeForAuir87 says:

    "So I went online". Yup.

  • D Vearn says:

    Thank you for sharing and being so transparent

  • gorilla twist says:

    The founder of Redken, a famous Hair company has a great speech about how hairstyles can change someones personality- TRUTH!

  • blah s says:

    My most useful masking tool was smiling.

  • Aryan Ranger says:

    Eyes of Autistics are the future, it shows intelligence, AI in a way, if u look closely we are not on the planet, we are just intelligence floating in Humans., perhaps taking them to the next stage of Human evolution. Anybody agree?

  • Stanley says:

    I've always taken things literally (I'm not saying that I might have Aspergers, but I've been obsessed with the topic for some reason) and I remembered what happened a couple of days ago. I usually forget what I said or what I'm saying so my grandma said jokingly "Do you have alzheimers?" and me while laughing I said "Alzheimers doesn't work like that, it works lik-" (I was actually going to describe how it actually worked) my grandma interrupted me while saying "Why do you take things so literally, I was joking!"

  • Walker says:

    I liked your honesty (an Aspie's basic); all those troubles we deal with. Friends are a weak point with me, and maybe offensive to some, but I do not care about others at all. I did the university thing too, but when I hit the real world, I fell apart. University is great for Aspies, it's all so organised, then real life is another trip.

  • Adam Stone says:

    I was diagnosed in my mid-thirties. My psychiatrist, who I was seeing for depression, didn’t take long to figure it out, to his credit. 75% of people on the spectrum have depression, as I have read since. Finally I had an answer because I always knew something was off. Yet, I still can’t be myself around other people. I try to fit in and learned the strategies to do that from childhood. I “mask” around everyone but my girlfriend. If we’re out at a restaurant, she sees me acting all normal when the waiter comes over and then I go back to being me when he goes away. I start stimming but in subtle ways that I have learned over the years to be socially acceptable. She thinks I should just be myself, but after a lifetime of hiding it, I can’t. It seems dangerous to me.

  • C Mills says:

    Thank you so much.

  • Jack Benjamin says:

    May I ask how you went about getting the diagnosis?
    In Sydney it doesn't sound as easy

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